Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
