I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
