Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
