So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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