I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
