ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
