i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
