Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
