I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
