There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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