you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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