apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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