yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
