but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
