so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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