a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
last night I used snow as a chaser
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