Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
