im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
