The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
