Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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