How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
