Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
