areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
