I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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