Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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