Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
