I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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