Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
