since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love you.
Bad choice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
