my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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