I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
