alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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