she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
