matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
third nipple confirmed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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