I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
