Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
