Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
