my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
