people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
