I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
