so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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