he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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