my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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