and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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