um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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