Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
