By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
