You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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