I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
