You can't motorboat a personality
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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